His Ghosts
by Yuki
Summary: Enishi brods over Kaoru. Spoilers for Jinchuu Arc. Kinda angsty...I think...


**His Ghosts**

Author's Note: Ok, this is an Enishi-Kaoru fic. Sort of. I got tired of torturing our poor rurouni. But I am still a fan of K&K. I just thought that a little change would do me good. I hope I won't get flamed too much for this. This isn't much of a story anyway.

**His Ghosts**  
**Yuki**

_The ripples of change  
cold and numb like frozen lake  
I am lost with you_

She stands there, beneath the pale moonlight. Unmoving, unrelenting. She is waiting.

I know. I've known that since the day I first met her. She has this look of determination in her ocean blue eyes. No, it is more than determination. It is a look of love. Of fierce trust.

Only one person had looked at me that way.

She continues to silently stare at the gray-black stretch of water in front of her. The sound of crashing waves is distant. I can practically hear the wheels in her head turning. She is trying to see how far, how big this ocean that separated her from him. If she can over come this obstacle. If she can just get a weapon in her small hand and render me unconscious, can she swim her way back to him?

I smirk. Such childish thoughts. The distance is just a small factor. Even _I_ am a small factor. It is him who is at fault. If he truly cared for her, he would not have believed her death so easily. He would have looked and probed and hoped and inevitably realized the truth. But he gave up. He had lost her. And for all of his faults and sins, she is still standing here alone, like some lonely ghost waiting for her beloved.

She is either too young or too stupid or too hopeful to know the truth. He will not come for her. He is already as good as dead. I made sure of it. And if he does come for her, well, my _watou _will be waiting for him.

She tilts her head and sighs. That soft sound sends a shiver straight through me. It's getting cold, it is the only explanation I can think of despite the sudden rush of warmth spreading inside my chest to flow outward from my skin. Heat reaching towards her.

As though sensing my presence, she turns to look at me.

I stare back. Unmoving. Unrelenting.

"He will not come." My voice is hoarse and harsh. She jumps a little but stands her ground. _He gave you up. He is not worthy_. I bite down a piece of my tongue to keep me from saying those words. It is true. But I don't want to render her broken and damaged. She is merely a part of my _jinchuu_. I have nothing against her. It is not her fault that she walks with that filthy hitokiri.

She is young and naïve. She does not understand it yet, but in time she will thank me for rescuing her. Just as my sister would have thanked me had I been strong enough, years ago, to get rid of battousai.

_Battousai. _I seethed inside. I can feel my anger showing through my eyes. The mere memory of what he had done to my sweet sister.

He is not worthy!

The girl warily keeps her eyes on me, as though trying to read my mind. I stare at her blankly, maybe a little menacingly, and to my utter surprise, she smiles. That full smile that would make her eyes brighter. I briefly notice that even in the pale gray light of the full moon, her lips were still as red and rich as fresh blood. Still as inviting and tempting.

I shake my head, trying to clear these strange thoughts filling up my head.

My sister would never smile like that again.

"Yes he will." Her voice, soft and steady breaks the silences. There's a strange melody in her voice. For some strange reason, it reminds me of the light during winter mornings. Stark white. She had barely spoken ever since I had taken her to this island, but every time she opened her mouth, there's a music to it. A song. Very, very faint. Only I can seem to hear.

Of course, Battousai had heard that very same song as well. Had seen that smile too. Had even held it close to his heart. To his death.

"You're a fool to believe that. Go back to your room. You cannot escape." I hope she hears the truth in my voice. There is absolutely no way out of this island. Not without having to go through me first.

She straightens her shoulder, lifting her chin and meeting my gaze. She is taking it as a challenge. To escape here. To keep on believing.

Why won't she stop smiling?

A headache is slowly pushing its way into my forehead. A pressure building inside me, making me feel dizzy. I try to grab something in the air. Something that will bring my equilibrium back but her jasmine scent drifting towards me did nothing to help my current situation. My hands claw at nothing. I curse.

She still has the smile, different somehow. And it takes a second for me to realize that there's a hint of pity on it.

She is feeling sorry for me!

And before I can react to this, before I can take a step closer and - and what I will do, I do not know... I do not wish to know..."Just go! Leave! Now!"

The smile suddenly disappears as she curtly nods her head; black tresses falling, cascading ever so gracefully to hide her face. Silk by silk, sliding to cover her blue eyes. Her creamy skin. Until she was just a mere shadow in front of me. She straightens up abruptly and hurries along to the opposite direction.

Not scared, just annoyed. I can see it in the jerky movements of her shoulder.

She is never scared of me. Or rather, she never shows that she is scared of me. I can tell that it takes a lot from her to not show it. I know how tiring it is to pretend that you are braver than how you're actually feeling.

I absolutely despise being a child. That is the worst. When I had been most vulnerable and useless. I had vowed never to be that way ever again.

It is disturbing. How sometimes she reminds me of a child. There is something very child like in her. Perhaps it is her stubborness. Or the brightness of her eyes. When I try to look closer, the child is suddenly gone, vanished and she becomes a girl – and if I look hard enough – which I did once and never again – there it is, I see a glimpse of a woman.

She is maddening.

I listen to her footsteps, drawing farther and farther away until it is just the pounding of my heart that I could hear. It seems so loud in my ears that it almost drowns the sound of her door sliding to a close. A thin paper wall that separates me from her. And yet this is even bigger than the vast ocean between her and him.

I stand there in the shadows, my heart beating, pounding almost painfully against my chest. Wanting to escape. To follow...

Just thinking of her makes my stomach clench. My sister and this woman-child, how can they be so different from each other and be so alike?

Without a conscious thought a faded memory surfaced and slammed into me, making me stagger back into the wall. My breathing heavy and noisy, filling the room, the ragged sound my only company.

My sister is bending down to cover me in her arms, her long soft, silky hair brushing against my skin. Her soft graceful hand smoothing out my crumpled shirt. I can hear her voice now.

_"Shh, daijoubu Enishi. Daijoubu...I'm here now. I'm right here."_

But she isn't. It's a lie.

Damn her. No, damn _him_. Damn _him_.

She was mine and he took her. He took her so that she will never hold me again. And now, she, the girl who replaced her, she is making me insane. She is making me insane!

I shake my head, clearing the vision in front of me. I close my eyes, begging my sister's ghost to leave me. I can't live like this. This torment of seeing her and not being able to feel her warmth.

When I finally open my eyes, the darkness of the room stares blankly at me. I straighten my back. You're a man now, Enishi. I chide myself. No longer a boy. Ghosts can't hurt you. Haunt you, yes, but never hurt. Not the same way as living beings can.

I walked away. No place to go. Just the memory of her... of the blue eyed girl replacing all my ghosts.

**End note: **Ok, how as it? I wanted it to have a little darkness to it. But this is like my first serious attempt at a serious fic. Hehe. Flames, comments, suggestions, anything at all...please feel free to tell me! I'm always happy to hear from fellow fic lovers!

**1/17/13**: revisiting some of my old fanfictions because I don't know. I might start writing again. Maybe. Anyway, did some long overdue polishing :) nothing changed in the story, just made bits of corrections here and there.


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